Saturday, July 08, 2006

Dude! Where's my 'PLEASE'??

There is a serious problem plaguing humanity today. People just aren't courteous enough to me. Seriousness aside, what happened to all the well-mannered noblemen of 'yore'? One no longer gets to hear 'Please', 'Excuse Me', or any other social niceties that really don't mean anything but can actually make a person feel better.

For me, its almost natural. I bump into someone and turn around immediately to apologize. If the other guy doesn't bother doing it, I hex him with my magic wand and continue on my way. Some day, some where, a door will slam in his face and I will laugh in it. Just saying 'Thank You' to an auto driver will go a long way in making you feel better too, although it doesn't increase the chance that he will lower the fare (experience speaks here). But, do your bit. Don't expect the other person to show the same level of courteousness to you too. If he doesn't, curse him and keep going. Thats what I do, and I like to think that I had something to contribute to make someone's bad day worse by not being nice.

Seriously, the next time you make a request, say the word 'please'. Say 'with sugar on top and ice below' and say a lot more hollow, hackneyed phrases that only make you look better. Who knows? You might be blessed by some unknown, random guy on the street for saying sorry because he bumped into you first!

Bottom Line? I don't know with what intention I started this blog, but I know I'm ending it with the intention of saving you further torture. Just say 'Please' and I'll go away.

Just kidding, I'll never go away. You can try it on others though. If it works, tell me and I'll try to make you go away.

Equality for All

Can society ever become equal? Can all men (and I mean women too damn you!) be treated as equal? Sometimes, I'm just going to act intelligent and expect all of you to nod along with me. Kindly oblige.

What if all men were equal? The age old split between the 'haves' and the 'have-nots' would be non-existent. Would that necessarily be good? If all men are equal then why would any man try to rise above the other? Competition as we know it, would be dead. If not dead, it would be forbidden since one man defeating another in a competition is akin to him declaring his superiority over the other.

Forget competitions, what about social equality? If all men were equal, would we ever get anything done? Some jobs are always perceived as being socially inferior to others. A grocer is not treated with the same respect as say, a teacher. There would never be a need for a man to serve another man. The service industry would collapse and all of us would be sitting on our asses doing nothing because the collapse of society would be inevitable. Farmers would decide the farming was too low for them and try to rise above that. Since all men are equal, they are therefore afforded equal opportunities and that means that a majority of the farmers would become businessmen or traders or a professional. No more farmers. If you doubt this, you should consider the fact that almost every farmer dreams of making his son an 'educated' person who can get out of agriculture and go to the city and become a 'big man'. There is no incentive to study since an educated person and an uneducated person are given equal opportunities by virtue of being equal.

The world survives on competition. It thrives on it. Without competition, there is no incentive for a person to become better. Inequality increases diversity, it increases competition. There is a continuing struggle for improvement in society and this would lead to the betterment of society.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Futbol Mundial - UPDATE (08/07/06)

I know the name is plagiarized from a sports show but I don't care at this point. Below are my much valued (by myself) comments on the current state of affairs on the World Cup. At this point, a lot of you are probably scoffing at what might be an amateur's opinion on football. I assure you that my comments are highly accurate and reflect the true nature of the world cup. Expect deep comparisons of various teams, and their highly vaunted players. Expect detailed analysis of the various matches that are shown on TV. I will even offer a pre-match and post-match session if there are enough takers. All this can be decided after you read my general opinion given below.

Before I tell you what I think of the football, let me tell you how I got interested in the game. It was all thanks to my roommate and his incessant passion for the the world's most popular game. I was forced to hear him drone on and on about the game so much that I actually started learning from him the various nuances of the game and became a skilled analyst. People would prefer calling me an analist but everyone is entitled to an opinion of their own. Everyone except the world not including me. If you didn't understand the chances that you would understand my detailed review of the football matches are as remote as me understanding quantum mechanics involved in a rat's digestive system.

Hold your breath as you read these lines as you may not get a chance to take a breath between the action packed paragraphs. However, doctors recommend not doing any physical work before taking a deep breath as that affects your capacity to hold the breath in and not use it for any muscular activities except breathing. The point being, that when you hold your breath, you must expend as little energy as possible to avoid losing breath. Understood? Good.


Thank you for your patience. All positive comments will be acknowledged and negative ones will be acknowledged by entering your email address into a spam mailing list.

UPDATE (08/07/06) - Thanks to Retarded Rascal (RR), I've corrected a minor defect in my post. It was so minor that fifty other people did not notice it, or if they did, decided it was a typographic error and forgot about it. Unfortunately, RR seems to be the kind of person who reads other people's blogs just to point out errors in them. It seems a sad way to live life. So, once just for RR, contribute one ass-kicking. All contributions are acknowledged by howls of pain.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

Superman Rottens!

You guys better get used to this. Me posting reviews on movies I've seen are an intrinsic part of this blog so don't try to avoid it.

Superman sucks big time. The only good thing in the movie is Superman himself. Brandon Routh is a good Superman and does his job. Unfortunately, the movie as such is a laundry list of disappointments. Kevin Spacey is a BAD choice for Lex Luthor. Luthor is supposed to be a tall, dignified character and Spacey brings his own brand of humour that doesn't gel with the character.

Here's the list so you don't have to watch the movie and can save the money to treat me later for saving it for you.

1. Kevin Spacey is hopeless as Luthor.
2. Script stinks. Nuff said.
3. Same special effects over and over. Ok, we've seen the world shake. Get on with it already.

The movie is as rotten as the tomatoes grown by an ageing, paraplegic horticulturist in his backyard. Luthor's plan takes shape only in the second half. Special effects are boring. Apart from the bullet in the eye there's nothing else that makes you go WHOA! Oh wait, there is. Luthor's ultra corny jokes make you catch your abdomen in pain and puke popcorn all over the person in front of you. They're the standard staring-at-the-dumbass-henchmen jokes.

In fact, the producers realized that the movie was lacking in so many departments, they decided to add 'star power' to the movie. So we have Kumar, of Harold and Kumar non-fame, to play a useless henchman. It's really lame when he has no real role to play, and instead just stands there getting Spacey's patented stare. Spacey, by the way, is completely bald and for some reason, wears a wig when he is about to commit a crime. How he knows where Super's hideout is and how to use the computer is never explained!!

Watch Krrish instead. Atleast it has all the bollywood masala that can keep you engaged for a while. Oh no, wait, there's Priyanka Chopra in it.....

My new rating system for movies and anything I deem needs to be rated will be asses. Under this rating system. Superman recieves 5 asses out of a possible 5 for being so inexplicable horrendous.

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Since, this system has come just after Krrish, I am placing it's rating here too.

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It goes without saying that the less asses a film receives, the better it is. A hit film is therefore assless and a monumental disaster would be an assfest. Watch out for more reviews....