Tired Old Cliches!

I'm back! With more evil venom to spew! This time I'm going to focus on all these silly old cliches that the newspapers seem to propogate. Not surprising, most of them seem to come from Bollywood, always a ready source of venom for me.

1. Chocolate boy looks.
What the hell does this mean? Girls are supposed to like chocolate? So the guy looks good? Or is it that his face is brown and mud-coloured and so he has supposedly chocolate origins? Or is it that his breath smells of cocoa?
Examples - Sonu Nigam - Jesus christ, with that tunnel network of a nose, people regard him as having Chocolate boy looks. Yech!

2. Girl-Next-Door.
Ok, this is pure bull right off the bat. No one who has lived next to me has ever looked like that. Second, the supposedly traditional look that they try to pull off is usually displaced in the next C-Grade flick they act in. The look is very temporary. I wish my girl-next-door looked like that.

3. Emotional Musical Romantic
This is actually a genre of movie! Devdas is classified under this category. Oh Lord! What will they think of next? Here are some more ideas - Cranially Damaging, Mental Trauma and Sob Fest.

4. Crying Heroes
This has GOT to stop! I'm getting sicker every minute I see some macho hero bend his biceps in one scene and then flex his tear muscles in the next. Oh I get it, they're trying to portray that men have an 'emotional/sensitive' side to them too? BULLSHIT. They don't. Men are much simpler than that. Men are BUTCH! Time to learn that.

5. The Comic - this is a tamil special
Every Tamil flick now has a designated comedian. This is as tired a cliche as you can get. The comedian of course, has all his kaamedi situations, complete with badly pronounced English words, getting beaten silly and of course getting yelled at. Then at the end of the movie, the supposedly carefree comic turns out to have a deeper side to him and he starts spewing philosophy faster than my tears at this point. Suddenly, HE'S the one doling out advice to the hero, explaining the vagaries of nature and the miseries of life with simple, yet deep metaphors. Please.

6. The Dying Scene.
Too long. Always. Cut short.

7. Songs
Too many. Unnecessary and usually not worth your time. Whether its Himiessshhh Ressaammiyaauiqz - no, that is not a typo, that's how he spells it now, or Kay Kay, all songs are stereotyped and rate a big 0 on my wanted list. The worst part is that we refuse to give up our ways of the song and dance, fickle heroines dashing around in splendid revelry/teensy tops all in the same scene. I say we need this like we need a Turbanator for PM, oh wait...

8. Spelling Bees
We'd all lose at this one wouldn't we? How many of you actually have just enough letters in your name to ensure people don't confuse your name with gurgling of a flowing river? Not many, turns out. I hate this addition of extra letters and removal of vowels. My new naming system is gonna be naming people SMS-style - namely (pun not intended) by dropping all the vowels. So Vijaykanth becomes Vjyknth, Dhanush becomes Dhnsh. This is the new revolution - i mean rvltion. This rant is more directed at Himesh Reshammiya's ACTING debut! Yes people, after gracing us with his voice, he's back to torment us further with his stubble and cap in place in the name of acting. The name of his movie? - AAP KA SURROOR, THE MOVIEE, THE REAL LUV STORY. I'm not kidding. Check it out.

At this point, I can't go on any further. My eyebrows have knotted together to form a Unibrow like a sailor's knot, my eyes are bloodshot and I am fuming. I need to cool off. I'm going to watch TV - Kabhie Khushie Kabhi Gham.. jeez.