Saturday, August 23, 2008


  1. Advanced technology home products. I'm tired of hearing about everyday, ordinary products being marketed with some sort of space-flight-capable microprocessors in them. Detergent with "advanced-heat-seeking-dust-smiting-microgranules", shampoos with "advanced-hair-shine-boosting-technology", scissors with "advanced-foreknowledge-about-foreskin-systems", razor blades with "automatic-blade-growing-technology" (because that seems to be the only way they can "advance" razor blade technology: add more blades), the list is endless. When did ordinary prodcuts get so complicated? Why can't anyone just buy shampoo anywhere without requiring a socket to plug the bottle into? You know what's next right? Harpic with "advanced-turd-source-cleaning-shakti-along-with-dishwasher-liquid-dispensing-nozzle-technology." Wait till Aman Verma gets to your house to demonstrate THAT.
  2. Well-known, famous, instantly recognizable actors posing as doctors/dentists. Who are they trying to fool here? What is the point of showing an _actor_, who is instantly recognizable as not being a doctor, in a white lab coat. I don't care when they have some fake doctor on screen telling me I should brush my teeth with Gopal Pal Podi (Tooth Powder), I'm likely to care less if I recognize the actor in the advertisements.
  3. People who say "can't able to" are going to have to watch their backs from now on. I've trained with a hatchet over the summer and have sharpened my skills to the point (puns intended) where I can close my eyes and lop your ears off. Freaks.
  4. Razor blade advertisements where the male model is already clean shaven before he even picks up the product. Look, we're not all that stupid. Some of us actually possess a brain and can able to use it. Therefore, we request you to kindly cease and desist lest you desire getting a large, cumbersome object shoved not-so-gently in to your lengthy intestinal tubing. 
  5. People who don't know how to operate lifts. If you want to go up, press UP dammit! Don't press the direction YOU want the lift to move so it can reach the floor on which your lazy ass has parked itself. And people who get in to a lift and try to direct it in the direction opposite to the one it's already going on are going to be launched headfirst into the shaft.
  6. People who hit my car. Even if it's my fault, it's actually your fault since you didn't avoid me. That's what half of driving in India constitutes: compensation for the next guys mistake. You didn't compensate enough, you didn't anticipate. Your fault.

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